This One Is Called Parley.........(enjoy)

Sit here to write this down,
Think this will help me to heal.
I need to get a grip,
That’s something I don’t know how or feel.
Feel like life is choking me,
But then death is also not poking me.
I want to see the end of the line,
I don’t want to live here till 99.
I thought I had a special gift that god bestowed,
It wasn’t a gift,
No where near a knack,
It was an agreement,
“If you are born then I would not be there for you”,
That’s what he said and was prophesized,
Now I don’t believe the three letter word anymore,
Now I feel purified.
I know how it feels when people look at you,
And they don’t smile,
And give you the expression “You Are Messed Up”.
But I am not the one who’s messed up big time,
It’s the one who failed miserably,
He has all the power,
And all that power reaps corruption.
This place I exist in,
Catapults me towards claustrophobia,
I don’t want any of this aggressive phobia.
What have I become,
I see a monster in the mirror,
But the eyes tell a different anecdote.
When will I be freed from this negativeness,
I don’t want to fly like a bird,
Or sting like a bee,
I want to be human,
But the other half of me wants be a Judas’s guy,
And screw the hell out of thy.